Funny Story: How To Get Away From Police Officer

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Older Woman : Is there a problem, Officer ?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Older Woman:Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please ?

Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one ?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers
please.

Older Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer:You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

---------

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2:Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2:One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding too.

Funny Jokes: A Guy and a Policeman

A guy bought a new Mercedes and was out on the 401 for a nice evening drive. As the needle jumped up to 125 mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him.

Confident he could outrun the police car, be began to drive faster. The needle hit 100, 120, 140 and finally 160 with the lights still behind him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "I've had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don't feel like more paperwork, and I did enjoy chasing you like that, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving like that I haven't heard before you can go."

"Last week my wife ran off with a cop," the man said, "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

"Have a nice night," said the officer and went home.