A Few Short and Funny Jokes

My Mother uses lemon juice for her complexion. Maybe that is why she always looks so sour.

I'm not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that's the problem - you don't please anyone.

Fred: What's that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders?
Harry: Help! What is it?
Fred: Your head!

She's so ugly that when a wasp stings her it shuts its eyes.

First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity?
Second girl: No, it's imagination.

Who won the Monster Beauty Contest? No one.

First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch: Oh, what did you have done?
First witch: Nothing, I was just going in for an estimate.

Mrs Saggy: Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a facelift last week.
Mrs Baggy: Tried to?
Mrs Saggy: Yes, they couldn't find a crane strong enough to lift her face!

They say Margaret is a raving beauty. You mean she's escaped from the funny farm?

First witch: My beauty is timeless.
Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock.