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Showing posts with label Lawyer Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lawyer Jokes. Show all posts

funny : answers can be revealing


In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand.

He approached her and asked; " Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me.

You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.

Yes, I know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, " Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state.

Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.

One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said:
"If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair ."

Funny Story : Kind Lawyer

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One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw
two men along the roadside eating grass.
一天下午,有一个富有的律师在途中,看见两个人在路边吃草。

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
他觉得有点困扰,就吩咐司机停车。接着他下车查探。

He asked one man 'Why are you eating grass?'
他问其中一人,"为何你们在吃草?"

'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied 'We have to eat grass.'
那人答,"我们没有钱买食物,所以我们要吃草。"

'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you', the
lawyer said.
"那么,你可以来我家,我给你吃的。"律师说。

'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,
under that tree'.
"可是我还有妻子及两个孩子,他们都在那边的树下。"

'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.
"带他们一起来吧。"律师说道。

Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us also.'
他转向另一个人说,"你也一起来吧。"

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as
large as the limousine was.
虽然那是一部大房车,他们也费了九牛二虎之力,全部人才能上车。

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.'
途中,其中一人说,"先生,你真是一个大好人,谢谢你把我们全部人带来。"

The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the
grass is almost 1 metre high!'
律师回答,"我感到很荣幸。你们肯定喜欢我的地方,那里的草足足有一米高。

Lesson : Don't trust kind lawyers. (Also, don't sent this to your good
friend who is also a lawyer)!!
这个教训我们:不要相信仁慈的律师。也不要将此电邮转寄给你的律师朋友。

Good Lawyer Jokes - Very Funny


Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!

Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.

Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.

Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.

Q. What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A. A Lobotomy.

Q. How do you save five drowning lawyers?
A. Who cares?

Q. What do you call a block of cement containing ten lawyers?
A. A waste of cement.

Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A1: Shoot him before he hits the water.
A2: Take your foot off his head.
A3: No? Good!

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: What do you do if you run over a Lawyer?
A1: Back over him to make sure.
A2: Make another notch on the steering wheel.

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of s***?
A: The bucket.

...Read more

reference: http://www.jokesandhumor.com/jokes/225.html
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