Funny Jokes : wife VERSUS girlfriend

Wife is like a TV
Girlfriend is like a MOBILE

At home u watch TV, but when u go out u take ur MOBILE

No money, u sell the TV, got money u change ur MOBILE

Sometimes u enjoy TV, but most of the time u play with ur MOBILE

TV is free for life,but for the MOBILE, if you don't pay, the services will be terminated

TV is big, bulky and most of the time old!
But the MOBILE is cute, slim, curvy and very portable

Operational costs for TV is often acceptable, but for the MOBILE it is often high and demanding

TV has a remote, MOBILE doesn't

Most importantly, MOBILE is a two-way communication (u talk and listen),but with the TV you MUST only listen (whether you want to or not)

Last but not least! TVs don't have viruses, but MOBILEs often do...

Funny Story : A Touching Story

Year 1980




On their way back from School Arjun started talking

Arjun : Bro! I am moving to a different city to study. I will miss you man
Pargat: I will miss you too mate. But nothing can break our friendship. We will at least meet once every year.
Arjun: Yes that is a deal

and they parted with tears in their eyes...
As time went by, both got busy with their work life. They kept their promise for two years and after that they moved on with their own lives and in the process Arjun lost his contact with Pargat.. Time went by and both became Police Officers.


Year: 2010

Venue: The Police station where Arjun works

Tring... Tring...

Arjun picks up the call and he gets a pleasant surprise...

"Is this Arjun?"
"Yes. Who is on the line?"
"Bro. Its Pargat! I just found out that you are posted in this station"

Tear drops welled up Arjun's eyes

Arjun: Where are you?
Pargat: I am standing outside the Police station. Come Out !!!
Arjun: Is it? I am coming right away....!!!

Arjun rushed out of the Police station and saw Pargat standing outside. They were seeing each other for the first time after thirty years !!!. He wanted to go and hug his friend. But he could not hug his friend....???
It was a very touching moment for both of them......


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Have you ever seen a touching moment like this?

Funny Story: God will provide

A young woman brought her fiancé home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother told her father to find out about the young man.
The father invited the fiancé to his study for a talk.
"So what do you do for a living?" the father asked the young man.

"I am a biblical scholar," he replied.
"A Biblical scholar. Hmm........" , the father said. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in?"

"I will study," the young man replied, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asked the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replied, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry Sir, God will provide," replied the fiancé.

The conversation proceeded like this and each time the father questioned, the young idealist insisted that God would provide.

Later, the mother asked, "How did it go Honey?"
The father answered, "He has no job, no plans and he thinks I'm God!!"

Funny Story: How To Get Away From Police Officer

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Older Woman : Is there a problem, Officer ?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Older Woman:Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please ?

Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one ?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers
please.

Older Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer:You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

---------

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2:Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2:One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding too.

Funny Jokes: How Come ... Baby Come

.....Once there was a young Red Indian couple who just got married.
After 6 months of marital bliss, the wife was still unable to conceive, so the
husband brought her to the Medicine Man. The husband asked the Medicine
Man: "Many moons come, Many moons go; I come, Baby no come, How come?"

The Medicine Man told the husband to go to the Blue mountains and
meditate there for 9 months. After 9 months had passed, he came down from the
mountains, and was surprised to see that his wife had a baby.

So he brought her again to see the Medicine Man, and the husband asked
him: "Many moons come , Many moons go, I no come, Baby come, How come?" The
Medicine Man turned to the wife for an answer. She replied: "Many moons
come, Many moons go, You no come, Many men come...."

A Mother, a Son and an Electric Train

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! And all of you bastards, who are getting on, get your arse in the train, because we're going down the tracks".

The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for traveling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the c**t in the kitchen."

Funny Jokes: My grandma was a ballet dancer

My grandma used to tell me that she was a ballet dancer as early as 7 years old....



and has achieved countless awards for various competition as a ballet dancer..



allet has become her career till the time she grows ..and as a ballet dancer..we all know that they can do....

Tiptoe...



Hop on the air...



and... split their legs on the air..



Now that my grandma was too old to dance ballet,..
we can hardly put her stop for doing so!!..
Look at her now!!...

Funny Jokes: Old married couple

Old married couple and the husband is rummaging under the bed where he finds a cardboard box containing two eggs and five thousand pounds.

He goes downstairs to the wife and says, "I've just found this box under the bed with two eggs and five thousand pounds, what's going on?"

"Well" she says "every time I was unfaithful to you, I put an egg in that box."
The old man weighs the situation up and thinks, "Two eggs after 50 years of marriage, I can forgive her that"

"O.K." he says and what about the five thousand pounds?"
"Well" she says, “every time I had a dozen, I sold them!!!!"

Funny jokes: Choking

A yuletide meal at an expensive restaurant is disturbed when a woman starts screaming.

"My son is choking" she cries,
"He's swallowed the sixpence in the Christmas pudding. Please anyone help!"

Without speaking, a man stands up at a nearby table and walks over nonchalantly. Smiling pleasantly he grips the boy by the gonads and squeezes.

The boy coughs and out pops the coin.

"Thank you so much" beams the relieved mother, "are you a paramedic?"

"No" replied the man "I work for the inland revenue".

Funny jokes: Fireman and bells

A fireman comes home from work one day and tells his wife,

“You know, we have a great system at the fire station. Bell one ring and we all put on our jackets. Bell two rings and we all slide down the pole. Bell three rings and we are ready to go on the engines.”

“That is superb my dear” says his old lady.

“From now on, we are going to run this house the same way. When I say bell one I want you to strip naked. When I say bell two I want you to jump into bed. When I say bell three we are going to have sex all night” continues the fire fighter.


So the next night the fireman comes home from work and yells,
"Bell one",
and his wife takes of all her clothes.

"Bell two" he shouts and she jumps into bed.

"Bell three" he barks and they begin to have sex.

But after just a couple of minutes his wife yells,
"Bell four"

"What’s this bell four?" the husband asks.

"More hose" she replies "you're nowhere near the fire!"

Funny jokes: Mike’s goldfish died

Little Mike was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.

Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to he politely asked,

"What are you up to there, Mike?"

"My goldfish died and I've just buried him" replied Mike tearfully without looking up

The neighbor frowned.

"That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish isn't it?"

Mike patted down the last piece of earth.

"Well", he replied, "that's because it's inside your cat."