Funny story: Mature Lady Driver

A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding...


Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Older Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see....Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Older Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.


Don't Mess With Mature Ladies
If you want to brighten someone's day, pass this on to someone you know.

Funny Story : Kind Lawyer

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw
two men along the roadside eating grass.
一天下午，有一个富有的律师在途中，看见两个人在路边吃草。

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
他觉得有点困扰，就吩咐司机停车。接着他下车查探。

He asked one man 'Why are you eating grass?'
他问其中一人，"为何你们在吃草？"

'We don't have any money for food,' the poor man replied 'We have to eat grass.'
那人答，"我们没有钱买食物，所以我们要吃草。"

'Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you', the
lawyer said.
"那么，你可以来我家，我给你吃的。"律师说。

'But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there,
under that tree'.
"可是我还有妻子及两个孩子，他们都在那边的树下。"

'Bring them along,' the lawyer replied.
"带他们一起来吧。"律师说道。

Turning to the other poor man he stated, 'You come with us also.'
他转向另一个人说，"你也一起来吧。"

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as
large as the limousine was.
虽然那是一部大房车，他们也费了九牛二虎之力，全部人才能上车。

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said,
'Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.'
途中，其中一人说，"先生，你真是一个大好人，谢谢你把我们全部人带来。"

The lawyer replied, 'Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the
grass is almost 1 metre high!'
律师回答，"我感到很荣幸。你们肯定喜欢我的地方，那里的草足足有一米高。

Lesson : Don't trust kind lawyers. (Also, don't sent this to your good
friend who is also a lawyer)!!
这个教训我们：不要相信仁慈的律师。也不要将此电邮转寄给你的律师朋友。

Funny Story : A Touching Story

Year 1980




On their way back from School Arjun started talking

Arjun : Bro! I am moving to a different city to study. I will miss you man
Pargat: I will miss you too mate. But nothing can break our friendship. We will at least meet once every year.
Arjun: Yes that is a deal

and they parted with tears in their eyes...
As time went by, both got busy with their work life. They kept their promise for two years and after that they moved on with their own lives and in the process Arjun lost his contact with Pargat.. Time went by and both became Police Officers.


Year: 2010

Venue: The Police station where Arjun works

Tring... Tring...

Arjun picks up the call and he gets a pleasant surprise...

"Is this Arjun?"
"Yes. Who is on the line?"
"Bro. Its Pargat! I just found out that you are posted in this station"

Tear drops welled up Arjun's eyes

Arjun: Where are you?
Pargat: I am standing outside the Police station. Come Out !!!
Arjun: Is it? I am coming right away....!!!

Arjun rushed out of the Police station and saw Pargat standing outside. They were seeing each other for the first time after thirty years !!!. He wanted to go and hug his friend. But he could not hug his friend....???
It was a very touching moment for both of them......


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Have you ever seen a touching moment like this?

Funny Story : Be Careful, What You Ask For!!!!!

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke.'

The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' Asks the waitress.

'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.

'Same,' says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?'

'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'



‘That’s brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!'

'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there,' says the man..

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'

The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'

Funny : Do you smoke?

Once a Smoker was smoking at the Gandhi International airport .........
A gentleman came & asked him, “How much do you smoke a day?”
Smoker: “Why are you asking such question?”
Gentleman replied: “If you had saved that money instead of smoking, the plane which is in front of you, would have been yours.”
Smoker then asked that gentleman: “Do you smoke?”
Gentleman: “No”.
Smoker asked: “Does that plane belong to you?”
Gentleman replied: “No.”
Smoker: “Thanks for your kind advice, but that plane is mine.”
[Smoker's Name-Vijay Mallya]. < owns Kingfisher airlines (India's Budget Airline)

Moral of the Story:- Unnecessary advice is injurious to health

Now I don't advise friends not to smoke, as I was a smoker myself until 30 years ago when I kick the habit completely.

As a smoker I did'nt own an aeroplane, and now as a non smoker I also did not own a plane.

Do whatever you like - Moderation is the word.

Funny Story: God will provide

A young woman brought her fiancé home to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother told her father to find out about the young man.
The father invited the fiancé to his study for a talk.
"So what do you do for a living?" the father asked the young man.

"I am a biblical scholar," he replied.
"A Biblical scholar. Hmm........" , the father said. "Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in?"

"I will study," the young man replied, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asked the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replied, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asked the father. "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry Sir, God will provide," replied the fiancé.

The conversation proceeded like this and each time the father questioned, the young idealist insisted that God would provide.

Later, the mother asked, "How did it go Honey?"
The father answered, "He has no job, no plans and he thinks I'm God!!"

Funny Story : The Nun & the Soldier

A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, 'Please, may I hide under your skirt? I'll explain later.'The nun agreed.

A moment later two Military Police ran up and asked,"Sister, have you seen a soldier?'
The nun replied, 'He went that way.'

After the MPs ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said,
'I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to Afghanistan .'
The nun said, 'I understand completely.'
The soldier added, 'I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!'

The nun replied, 'If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls..... I don't want to go to Afghanistan either.'

Funny Story : The pope

The Pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors who were all quite skilled in the latest medical techniques. None of them could figure out how to cure him, or even what ailed him.

Finally, a wise old physician was brought in. After an hour, he came out and told the
cardinals that the bad news was that the Pope had a difficult disorder of the testicles -- terminal blue balls.

He said that the good news was that all the Pope had to do to be cured was to have sex a couple of times. Well, of course this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length.

Finally they went to the Pope himself with the doctor and explained the situation. After some thought, the Pope stated, "I reluctantly agree, but only under four very strict conditions."

The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite and uproar. Over all of the noise there came a single voice that asked, "And what are the four conditions?" The room immediately stilled.

The Pope replied, "First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see with whom she is having sex. Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she is having sex. And third, she must be mute so that if she somehowmfigures it all out, she can tell no one."

After another long pause, a voice finally asked, "And the fourth condition?" The Pope replied, "BIG TITS!"

Funny Jokes: The Final Prediction

A low cost budget film crew was shooting on an Indian Reservoir beach about natural psychic abilities of ancient American Indians.

Suddenly an Indian shows up, walks to the Director and says, “Tomorrow wind Storm, No shooting please. “ Sure enough a storm came and Director saved lots of money.


A few days later, again shooting preparedness was made and the Indian shows up.

“Tomorrow hurricane, no shooting please.” Sure enough a hurricane came and Director saved the money.


The amazing accurate predictive ability of the Indian on snow, rain, ice, blizzard, lightning, thunderstorm, was financially benefiting the Director that he got fond of him.

Now he was reaching towards the climax of the important shooting and waiting for the Indian to come and predict the weather.


The Indian was no where to be found. So he personally went looking for him and found him in a stinking smoking chimney hut. He went inside, bowed to him in a manners of their ancient customs, praised him and prayed that he bless him with the prediction for tomorrow’s finale.

The Indian says, “Tomorrow no prediction. My Radio broke down.”

Funny Story: A Bee Story

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.


The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'


'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.


The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

'Try it now,' said one bee.


The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'?



The bee answered ..








Wait for it.wait for it..







You're just gonna love






Bee Pee










I see you smiling... ;-)

Have a great day !

Funny Story: Can you imagine if this happen to you...

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas.

The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music..

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better.

I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.